An amazing dinner + thought-provoking conversation is one of my all-time favorite pairings. So much so, that we are kicking off a series of dinner topic conversation starters that are curated to provoke thoughtful and meaningful conversations over meals that you enjoy with people that you enjoy. Let’s get into our first topic to kick off this series!
Are you an introvert? If you’re not sure, here’s how a colleague of mine defines it: you’re an extrovert if your “battery” is recharged by being in the presence of others. Conversely, you are an introvert if you recharge your battery by spending time alone in solitude. Most introverts agree that they find, joy, peace, and do their best thinking, while in solitude.
The COVID-19 pandemic forced us all into isolation for two years. It also forced us all to reevaluate what we truly value. What is important to me? What don’t I need anymore? How have I changed? Post-pandemic, many introverts are reassessing how to show up in the world in an authentic, meaningful way that doesn’t compromise who they are at their core.
As an introvert, it is important to understand that you do not have to fade into the shadows of life. You also don’t have to mimic extrovert tendencies in order to contribute to society in an impactful way. You are allowed to take up space as an introvert. We are not here to make ourselves small and invisible. You are here to share something unique and valuable that only you can offer. What that looks like will (and should) vary from person to person. Let’s get into some concepts to put into practice:
- Set a time limit for social interaction. A mentor (also an introvert), told me that she gives herself a time limit for social engagements. The timer serves as a reminder to check in with your social battery. For example, let’s say you’re attending a happy hour event after work. Set a timer on your watch for 30 minutes (we’re starting small). While there, challenge yourself to push outside of your usual comfort zone, like committing to mingling with new faces. Then when the timer goes off, check in with yourself. Are you comfortable enough now to stay a bit longer? Or is your social battery now low? After you check in with your body – honor it by doing whatever it’s telling you to do.
- Resist the urge to perform. No masks, no acting, no pretending. There is only one of you. Who you are at your core, who you are authentically, cannot be replicated and you share something wildly unique with the world when you show up in spaces as your authentic self. Let’s break this down numerically. On January 1, 2024, the projected world population was 8,019,876,189. 8 billion people. Not one of those other 8 billion people in the world could show up in a room like you. So resist the urge to show up as who you think people would want you to be. When you show up authentically, you attract who and what is meant for you. You draw in those that are on your same vibrational frequency, and you’ll know it because these will be the connections that feel soul-bonded and free-flowing. Yes, even as the quiet introvert in the room. Being yourself will also make it abundantly clear who is not for you, and that is also necessary for your overall well-being. When you choose to perform instead of being yourself, you sign up for a lifetime of being on an exhausting stage and for unfulfilling connections. Stand in your personal power by being yourself instead.
- Learn the art of “reading the room.” What exactly does that mean? Oxford defines it as the ability to “understand or be sensitive to the mood or feelings of a group of people that one is addressing or engaging with.” So while it is important to show up authentically, it is equally important to be aware of what is happening in the world around you so that you can deeply engage others. When you have mastered the art of reading the room, you can quickly gauge how to best communicate and interact with others in a way that allows for genuine connection. Think of reading the room as a red stop sign – every time you enter a space with others, stop and observe. One best way to develop this muscle is by learning to read nonverbal social cues, which most introverts have the innate ability to do anyway. Then interact once you have a clear sense of what is going on around you.
- If you’re uncomfortable – lean into it. Listen, when you are entering into unchartered territory and showing up in the world in new ways, you are bound to feel discomfort. This is especially true as an introvert out of your element. And it is normal for the level of that discomfort to ebb and flow. Instead of immediately trying to alleviate it when you sense it, try leaning into it. Allow yourself to fully feel and embrace the discomfort. Recognize that it’s present, and then allow yourself to just co-exist with it. The degree to which you lean into it depends on how much of a challenge you are up for at the moment you notice it. When it feels right to do so, accept the challenge discomfort presents by being bold. You will be surprised at how liberating that will feel.
- Find a way to put your work out into the world. I wholeheartedly believe that there is something inside each of us that we are supposed to share with the world while we’re here. You may have heard this concept commonly referred to as “ life purpose.” It varies from person to person, and only you can go within to figure out what it is. Once you identify it, find a way to put it out into the world. What that might look like has no bounds or limits. It is all about what you feel is in alignment with you. What comes naturally to you. Where you thrive. Putting it out into the world doesn’t mean it has to be on a grand stage for all to see. It means showing up for someone or something outside of yourself with the intent to uplift. That work can be volunteering, nurturing those that you love, raising beautiful, strong children, creating art, writing, or sharing your wisdom with the world. Whatever it is for you, find a way to share it. The world needs what you have to offer.
I want to conclude with this: as you move through the world as an introvert, finding your way and taking up space, I want you to understand how important it is to not obsessively concern yourself with others’ perceptions of you. Get clear about who you are and block out everything else. Otherwise, you will get so hung up on what others think about you that you’ll make yourself small and you won’t share the goodness inside of you with the world.
Learn to let others make up their own stories about you. It is not your responsibility to manage others’ perceptions of you; it is your responsibility to show up as your authentic self. One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned as an adult is that the materials that make up the lenses of other people’s perceptions are a combination of personal beliefs, experiences, natural dispositions, and projections. I highly recommend you read the book The Four Agreements for a more in-depth exploration of this.
Be you. Do you. Show up. Unapologetically.
****Disclaimer: Please note that I am not a mental health professional. I am merely just a woman navigating the world and learning as I go. I think there is value in sharing my experiences and life lessons with others in hopes that it might help someone else on their journey. This dinner series is by no means a replacement for any sort of mental health service, and I strongly encourage you to engage such services performed by trained professionals if needed.***
